16.12.04
Christmas: Yes, it's that time of year. Merry Christmas, everyone. I've made travel arrangements, but I still have to buy gifts and the like. And I have no idea (none whatsoever) what to get anyone else. And, in the finest Gunderson family tradition (as I found out with my brother this week - he has the same attitude), I have no idea what I want for Christmas. Well, I have an idea about Christmas presents. I don't particularly care about what I get. It's the thought that counts, after all.
Soap Opera: This is the finale of this particular episode (on the blog, anyway). I promise.
- Mystery Girl has posted, excitedly, that the ex is coming back within the next week. If only I could have made her that enthusiastic. Or maybe I need to learn that there are other fish in the sea, and she's got a hook in her (even if she's acting like halibut - as dead weight, not rushing toward the boat, and he's acting like I do when I fish - namely, he's sleeping, thus not reeling it in).
- I've probably (probably?) been too self-involved in thinking about why I haven't heard from MG in a while. I find it all too easy sometimes to focus on my needs, wants, desires as well as my responsibilities, assets, shortcomings and the like, without so much as thinking about the other person.
- Is there something here for which to assess blame? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill (or less)? If I am exaggerating the situation, what does that say about me? If there is blame to be assessed, how much of it (I think most) falls on me?
- Is it healthy for me to want someone romantically, after she mentioned Ever After? After she compared me to a former lover? After she admitted that she might have "led you on" and stated that she was not meeting to keep some emotional distance, and further stated that "you may be getting closer to me than I am to you"?
- How much of that leading-on was actually leading-on, and how much was misinterpretation?
- How healthy is it to like someone who hooks up with someone more than once, only to fret when he develops some feelings for her?
- Is it a good thing to like someone who tells someone who lied to her and betrayed her (as well as another woman) "you're not a bad person"? What the hell? I understand that there's more there, but what the hell? There's a reason that Brutus, Cassius and Judas Iscariot (traitors all, lest we forget) occupy the lowest circle of hell, isn't there?
- Why am I still asking questions? I could ask questions all night and get not particularly far.
- One last: Is it emotionally healthy to like someone that I find completely maddening - sometimes for much better, sometimes for worse?
More later. R.
15.12.04
Pro Basketball: A couple of my coworkers are into NBA hoops. I don't care. But when given the opportunity, I'll bet against the Wizards. I bet on a couple of individual games earlier in the season (both of which put cash in my pocket). I bet on the six-game stretch ending with the Wizards' win over New Orleans (which cost me $20). And now I've made a sidebet that the Wiz won't make the playoffs and on the 5 games starting with Monday's game @Miami. So far I'm up $10 in that bet. Life is good.
The Accident: So first I'm told by my insurance company that I pay to be able to get a rental car. Then I'm told that I don't. So I rode in a new Taurus today. At least it's one day where I don't have to drive the Dragon Wagon.
It's the most wonderful time of the year:
- I'm convinced that I've fucked up a perfectly good friendship out of frustration. Maybe I thought it stagnant, but I'm sure I could have handled it more constructively than I did. Probably not throwing everything out publicly (regardless of the lack of names - and the lack of traffic to the blog) would be a start.
- Southern Miss won. Like I care.
- Next bowl game isn't for almost another week. Big Least co-champion Syracuse (and barely bowl eligible, I might add) takes on Georgia Tech (can't even get above .500 in conference). At least it's in a destination that has decent weather.
- It's supposed to get down to 15 deg. F or something tonight. And it's supposed to snow or somesuch on the weekend or Monday. Greaaaaaaaat.
- I have to get up entirely too early on the morrow to (a) return my rental car and (b) get my eyes checked (and hopefully get a new pair of glasses...mine are missing one of their arms, from the accident).
Zuletzt: Enough with the damn Eagle. Your mascot is a tiger, not an eagle. 28-10. I believe.
More later. Ryan.
13.12.04
College Basketball: Who cares. Conference play hasn't started yet, so your Virginia Tech Hokies aren't at the bottom of the league standings. Yet. Wake me in early February, just in time for those conference games which matter and conference tournaments.
College Football: Since I called regular season games without calling bowl games last year, I figured that I owed bowl games this season (despite not picking any regular season games). So here goes.
First, let me say that any bowl which happens before Christmas has no winners and one group of losers: the viewing public. Are you kidding me? Southern Miss and North Texas? That's not a bowl game, that's a sick joke. And Cincinnati-Marshall? Who cares? If that game wasn't in Fort Freaking Worth...hey wait, nothing would change. The matchup would still suck and no one would go. This is the answer to "What if they gave a bowl game and nobody came?" PlainsCapital would be stupid enough to sponsor it (those shareholder meetings must be fun, right? "What the hell are you doing sponsoring a crappy bowl game? That no one watches?")
So moving on to the bowls from the 27th on:
On second thought, I don't care about those on the 27th. They're both in tropical paradises (Detroit? Boise? People leave those cities in the winter because of the shitty weather). I'll only say this: Go Bulldogs!
Independence, Shreveport, La.: No title sponsor? What the hell? If you're Miami of Ohio, you have to be licking your chops because they're sending a high school team in Iowa State. Losers get fed to the gators.
Insight, Phoenix: A rematch of the 2001 Fiesta Bowl. But this time Virginia Tech isn't complaining that a scrub Leprechaun team took their spot. Oregon State 41, Arsh 9.
EV1.net Houston: UTEP gets the winner of the high school league masquerading as a Division I-A division. Colorado gets their asses kicked. They were the least mediocre team in the Big 12 North. But they're still mediocre.
Mastercard Alamo, San Antonio: OSU wins. Nobody cares.
Continental Tire, Charlotte: Isn't it only appropriate that the Tire bowl is in the redneck racing capital of the world? Oh, and, by the way, BC should enjoy its first ACC road game (no, @Wake doesn't count).
Emerald Bowl, San Francisco: Navy barely beat a scrub Mountain West team. As much as I want to pick them to win, they won't.
Pacific Life Holiday, San Diego: Cal proves how royally it was screwed here by beating Texas Tech by several touchdowns more than did Texas.
Silicon Valley, San Jose: This one belongs before Christmas. It's the scrub non-champion of the scrub conference versus its mirror image: the scrub non-champion of the scrub conference. You can't possibly expect me to care, can you?
Gaylord Hotels Music City, Nashville: The juvenile joke writes itself. As for Aladamnbama and Minnesota, well, it's enough to say that Alabama will fight back. And, as such, Minnesota (the K-State of the Big Ten) will lose.
Vitalis Sun, El Paso: If the Rose Bowl is the granddaddy of them all, then this one has to be the crazy uncle, right? Think about it. It's like the second oldest current bowl (after the Rose), and yet it matches scrubs year in and year out. This year you have the overrated quarterbacks, exposed by decent defenses. Considering they're playing each other, the game will, of course, be a shootout, scoring more points than Pachinko. Think of it as a poor man's Liberty Bowl (much like El Paso's a poor man's Memphis).
AutoZone Liberty, Memphis: The winners: the quarterbacks, who will throw for approximately 300,000 yards during this game. The losers: the quarterbacks, who will need Tommy John surgery from throwing the damn football so much.
Chick-Fil-A Peach, Atlanta: The funniest part of this is that both teams beat Florida State. And they went a combined 9-7 in their conferences. Heehee!
(Finally! New Year's Day!)
Outback, Tampa, Fla.: Both were overrated. Both got smacked late in the season. And odds on a solicitation arrest remain 6:5.
SBC Cotton, Dallas: Conference runner-up versus...division 3rd place? What the hell? And the saddest part is the conference runner-up is going to lose this game.
Toyota Gator, Jacksonville, Fla.: Two favourites to make it to Miami end up here, a couple of hundred miles short. West Virginia has the edge because, as they like to put it, they can burn shit down. And they beat fellow arsonists and rioters Maryland, whereas crapademic Fla State couldn't.
Capital One, Orlando: You can't spell Citrus without...LSU? Iowa? What? I guess that was behind the change: the SEC was tired of sending Tennessee to this, so they farmed them out to the Peach Bowl and Cotton Bowl instead. Next year, you can't spell Citrus without USC (you heard it here first).
Rose, Presented by Citi, Pasadena, Cal.: So much for tradition. Since the Pac 10's not involved, who's the host? What a crock. Michigan shows the world that the BCS crapped on Cal.
Tostitos Fiesta, Tempe, Ariz.: Is anyone else laughing at the fact that the coaches on the sidelines of this game won't be next year? I almost feel sorry for Pitt. But then I realised that I hate Pitt. Not like I did when Tech was in the Big East. But I still hate them.
Nokia Sugar, New Orleans: 28-10. I believe.
FedEx Orange, Miami: The game is being played in Pro Player Stadium. Although the Pro Player Bowl sounds as ghetto as, say, the Carquest Bowl (a plateau in Miami sports history, doubtless), eh, I don't even know where I was going with this. Shouldn't this just be 2 on 2? Leinart-Bush versus White-Peterson? Southern Cal is looking to defend its title. Oklahoma is looking to win another one in Miami. Leinart is better than Weinke, and SC is better than FSU was. SC wins a close one.
Zuletzt: As frustrated as I was yesterday - and not entirely with the mystery girl...I owe her an apology: more on this in a second - I said only one thing over the top: the comment about not calling, so as to steel myself for not hearing from her, or what have you. I enjoy hearing from her. I really do, very much so. And I didn't mean for that to be interpreted as sarcasm.
As for the apology to the mystery girl (however "emotionally retarded", you're damn well smart enough to figure out I'm talking about you...were I to lay bets, you're significantly smarter than am I), I'm sorry. A lot of the frustration I feel is a result of me emotionally sorting through our relationship, figuring out where we stand and reconciling that with where I wish we stood. But a significant minority of it was due to circumstances beyond your control (some of these involve our relationship, but most don't). And I have no right to take out frustration on you which isn't caused by your actions, or things under your control. For that, I'm sorry. And I hope that I can be forgiven.
College Football: What does it say about the ACC expansion that 1-2 in both ACC player of the year and ACC coach of the year were Va Tech-Miami? ACC POY was won by Bryan Randall, with Miami QB Brock Berlin finishing a distant second. Coach of the Year was won by Frank Beamer, with Miami coach Larry Coker finishing a distant second. Those haters who had Tech ranked 6th in the preseason had to recognize. And the best part is that the ACC came out of this a winner: they got to pimp an ad hoc championship game, and one expected to be competitive at that. I'm seriously thinking about going down to N'Awlins for the New Year and sticking around until Tuesday. Don't think that's happening, but we'll see.
Sometimes I'm too easily distracted: Car accidents suck. especially ones where the airbags deploy. Trust me on this. I glance to the side, and end up taking the car with me. Now I have to deal with (a) fixing - or not - the car and (b) fixing some guy's fence (it's plastic, but I think that I - or my insurance company - is going to have to shell out for a plastic post and a rail or two). And I'm stuck driving the War Wagon for the time being. I think that all that needs to be said there is that to say that the war wagon drives like shit is diplomatic. Or an understatement. Or both. The less said, the better. And I'm not bitter at all (even though, yes, it was my fault).
The Soap Opera: It's official: I've been sloughed off. We talked about how I'm trying to make her the bad guy so I have an excuse not to like her (I'm not sure I buy it; I just think that I pushed harder than she would have liked). She said that she doesn't call daily (or whatever) because she wants me to be accustomed to it when her ex is in town (because she pursues the oh-so-emotionally-healthy policy of seeing him to the exclusion of all else. Not that I had any illusions). And that she is actively trying to avoid meeting me in person because she doesn't want the relationship (whatever it is) to progress, so as not to hurt me. She actually said that she's keeping the relationship where it is to save me from myself (something about how I'm becoming more attached to her than vice versa). Her intentions are good, but you know what they say about the road to hell. Right now I'm trying to focus on her good intentions, but, when I think about it, my brain screams one word (and variations): "Condescendion!" I almost asked - and I regret that I didn't - her how, exactly, I was supposed to learn from what mistakes I had made if I was being protected from their consequences.
And about her not calling? I've decided to accept it, to embrace it, even. I've decided not to call her either, so as to steel myself for those times when I wouldn't be awakened at 1 in the morning by her calling from some backcountry road. And so I'm not disappointed when I call and am told "Can I call you back? I'm watching [fill in craptastic TV show here]."
During our last conversation (where she pretty well admitted she was sloughing me off), I made a joke that we ought to get together for Maryland's bowl game. I got hung up on. I, of course, called back, but the phone didn't get answered (shocker, eh?) I, being the person I am, left a voice mail apologising for being an ass and making the joke. To be frank, I wish I hadn't. Because I can't see what's so damn offensive there. And if she can't accept me ribbing her about something that distant from her (not like she plays on the team, much like my only connection to the Hokies is as a fan and consumer of merchandise) then any relationship - as friends, lovers, whatever - won't work out. Because I bust on my friends and they bust on me (speaking of which, is it a low blow to have bet someone on the last 6 Wizards games, knowing that they didn't know the opponents? Someone made that offer, and I figured that it's the Wizards, so I'd do no worse than breaking even - but nope. I'm out $20).
At this point, I'm ready to write off the friendship. But at least I can take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only emotional moron here. Maybe that's why I'm sticking around. Because there's someone emotionally as stupid as me. And here I was hoping - at least initially - that we could help each other grow and become, if not emotionally smart and healthy then at least less emotionally retarded. Shit, maybe I've learned something here. So my hope was fulfilled, even if it wasn't done so in the most positive way. Maybe.
Fuckit.
More at some later date. R.
7.12.04
College Football: According to Vegas.com, Tech is an early touchdown 'dog. Auburn and Va Tech play similar styles of football: Run the damn ball, throw with the senior when you must, and clamp down on defence. I think a lot of it is going to come down to special teams (which have been far from special this season: see @UNC and @Miami). If you think Tech can live up to its rep on special teams, take the points. If you think that it'll continue to be a problem (distraction side note: Tech's punter is from N'Awlins. And his father is a member of the Sugar Bowl committee), give the points and take Auburn. And hopefully Foster is studying LSU game tape, figuring out how they limited the Tigers to 10 points. And hopefully Stinespring is studying the SEC Championship, figuring out how the Vols hung 28 on Auburn. As good as Randall, Imoh, Royal, Hyman & the crew have been this season, I'm more confident that Foster's unit will hold Auburn to 10 than Tech scoring 28. Having said that, I'll reiterate my pick from the last post:
Va Tech 28, Auburn 10 (1995 again, isn't it?)
I believe.
Politics: I don't know why the Democrats hate President Bush. He's, arguably, the most liberal Republican since Nixon (another president they hated...I guess they think the liberalism is their domain, and that the GOP ought to run conservatives. That'd suit me just fine). He's certainly more liberal than either Reagan or his father. And he beat two uberliberals in Gore (once a conservative...amazing what happens when you have to campaign in places other than Tennessee when you're a Democrat) and Kerry (who may as well have waved the North Vietnamese flag). Anyway...I don't give a shit. Bush is in office for the next four years, and the rest is just details. Wake me in September, just in time for the general campaign for governor here in Virginia.
Personal life (It's my blog, and I'll vent if I want to, vent if I want to, vent if I want to-o-o-o): Listening to The Rose by Bette Midler (it just came up on my playlist. honest). It speaks to me, if only because it, at many points in my life, has described me:
The heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance...
The soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live.
It occurs to me that I am much less likely to open up to someone to whom I'm close. Very counterintuitive. Other than the fact that, by opening up, I expose whatever extant vulnerabilities. Which may lead to rejection. In other words, I'm much less likely to open up to those whose opinion of me matters even a whit. If I don't give a damn what someone (for example, the girl about whom I've talked over the last few posts kind of fit this when we were first getting to know each other) thinks, I might just come out and say what's on my mind. Diplomatically, maybe, but I'm more likely to get my point across (or talk of past experiences, positive and negative). But if I'm speaking with a friend whose opinion is important to me (the aforementioned girl at this point in time is an example of this) then I'm more likely to shut up about important stuff. And, given the fact that I've never been great at small talk, this can lead to silence. Not (necessarily) a good thing. Of course, my sister is the exception that proves the rule (or at least suggests ways around it): she asks me somewhat specific questions about the important things, and I give her answers. Sometimes they're long and winding, sometimes they're short and sweet, and sometimes (in both cases) they can be a bit evasive. In any case, I don't have much else to say on the subject.
Zuletzt: I was just thinking about it: what the hell has happened to my blog? When did it become a diary? The character has changed completely over the last several posts. Oh well. This is what happens with no readership to hold me accountable to writing about specific topics. As a fine American orator once said (okay, it was a onetime - and possibly current - Arizona Cardinals GM), toughsky shitsky.
More later. R.
5.12.04
College Football: ACC Champs. 10-2. I told you so (at least about the 10-2 part). I also noticed, looking back on previous posts, that I called the UVa game right on the mark (to paraphrase: Tech wins by 2 touchdowns, but it's not that close). The whole "team" concept from which we'd strayed over the last 2 years? The "team" concept is a good thing. Seriously. And Bryan Randall? If he's not ACC MVP (or offensive MVP, if they don't award one overall, but rather to units) then my name is Musket Mouse, and I'm a arsonholic. And this season has been, to quote Tailgate Fever, a statement season. Looking back on it, the sack of Durant was a big play, and the stand to hold Georgia Tech to a field goal (and within one posession) was a statement, and the Maryland game was a statement, and to beat Miami in Miami just says volumes about this year's team, all good (the blocked kicks against Carolina and Miami, on the other hand...). And now, Tech's an underdog again (apparently the bookies had them +7 at Miami), this time to Auburn (I don't see lines up at Vegas.com yet, but give them time; the matchup was just announced less than 2 hours ago). However, during the last two statement seasons, we've played in N'Awlins, both times playing well (once we won, and once we lost). But since it's not the Holy Grail, I Believe we can win. It's just a matter of the defense stepping up one more time. And Bryan Randall stepping up. He can. And he always has, at least this season (and he did so most of the time before this season).
Va Tech 28, Auburn 10 (1995 all over again, isn't it?)
I believe.
Springfield 22150 or Calamo Street or whatever you want to call this soap opera that just happens to be my personal life: She talks to me, she's more than willing to call me, she has proclaimed that she feels like one of the characters in Ever After. Namely, that she's conflicted, that she wants to do one thing regarding her love life (this, I guess, would be to see me), but that she feels compelled to wait for her ex, to be certain that nothing could happen between the two of them before she can emotionally let go. Plus something about how I'm too far, in the opposite direction of the rest of her friends, etc. (To be fair, I mentioned the fact that she travels to points further from her home to her, and she said that she doesn't get to those other spots every 3-5 days, as she would do were we to date. Fair enough.)
So here's my question: I'm being sloughed off, aren't I? Now, I would normally write this off to insecurity (and that may be it, I don't know). But, given the distance between the two of us - she's in Montgomery County, Md., I'm in Springfield - the distance issue hadn't even occurred to me. I once spent a year dating someone east of Frederick, during most of which I was in Montgomery Co., Va., and the remainder of which was spent in Springfield. I'd have no problem travelling up there (significantly) more often than she travels down this way. But there's also the fact that she lives with family. And I guess she and I are in similar circumstances - we don't want to show our filthy hovels to others, for whatever reasons. I guess. So I take it I'm being sloughed off. But we still have the friendship, so the $64,000 question becomes why we know each other; what, perchance, does God want each of us to get out of it?
Although I do want to meet her, if only so that she's more than a voice over a cell phone, and more than a bunch of characters on a computer screen. *sigh*. I've been sloughed off there too (although I think this is because she assumes that I want to get romantically involved with her).
I wouldn't date her until she gets her emotional love life in some reasonable order, which, of course, is code for dropping the ex (though keeping the friendship, so long as it wouldn't prevent each of them from moving forward emotionally); (1) it didn't work out the last time, so what makes anyone think it would work out were they to try it again and (2) it's been 2 1/2 years since they broke up; if something were going to happen, I reckon it would have happened by now. In a lot of ways, she's like Virginia Tech: Va Tech has scheduled Temple and Syracuse well into the future, so the Hokies, like her, are the person who can't stop hooking up - under whatever pretense - with their ex.
Well, I say that I wouldn't date her. But who knows. If our meeting goes well, I'd certainly think about it. And I am, thus far, attracted to her. And, in matters romantic, I oftentimes have little willpower, and am much more likely to say yes because (1) I've never enjoyed rejecting someone and (2) I like the emotions that often surface (both mine and those I observe of my partner) for the most part.
Thanks for enduring my rant. More later (who knows when, though). R.
