4.11.04
General Interest: Somewhere down the line I decided to stop blogging for a while. I think some of it comes down to the same issues I have heard in the ads produced by whichever government agency (or the AD council; if they're an agency of the gov't, so be it, I guess. In any case...) about going out and voting: I've been too busy, I've had other things, I'm not up to speed on the issues (well, okay, that last one is more than a little bogus; I've never been up to speed on the issues, and I posted anyway). But, for whatever reason, I haven't blogged in a while. So I kept the letter of my promise in my last post, if not the spirit.
Personal Life: Here's the thing: I've a bit (well, more than a bit) of a dilemma. I've found someone I like. A lot. Well, I like what I see, anyway, which, considering we haven't met, isn't by any means conclusive. We met online (through one of those dating services, which I won't pimp here. Just the way it goes). We chatted through one of the instant messenger services (pimpin' ain't easy, so I ain't gonna do it), and have graduated to chatting on the telephone (we share a service provider, through which our conversations are covered in our basic service, which I won't pimp here either...noticing a trend?), sometimes for a few minutes a night, sometimes for significantly longer. Were I to meet her under other circumstances (such as at the bar) I may not have fallen for her. She's not necessarily the type that I'd go for immediately. But, after a while (where we both slowly opened up to each other), she grew on me. And I like her a lot, because she's rather more willing to lend a sympathetic ear than anyone I've known in a good long time. So I'd like to meet her at some point. And I think that she likes me, or at least what she's observed.
But a couple of problems: (1) It's not a particularly good time for her, considering that she's in the process of losing a family member, and she's taking classes, and volunteering. This in and of itself is (relatively) meaningless: I'd wait, at least for a little while. But here's the kicker: (2) she's not over an ex-boyfriend. He's in the Army, and he comes home twice a year. And they kinda-sorta-not really-I'm not sure-whatever pick up where they left off, or pretend that they're still in the relationship, I still haven't figured out which (side question: is there a difference?).
Now, I've never done this for any length of time (I hooked up with one ex twice - once thinking it signaled the rebirth of the relationship, the other because I'm just an idiot). I can't think it's emotionally healthy. When she told me I realised that there were allusions all over our conversations, but that I had just missed them. Hindsight. Eh. But I suggested she needed to resolve her relationship with him. And she told me that it couldn't be resolved and that she had been trying to do so. This after she said that she wanted to no longer feel like she was putting her life on hold. I wish that it hadn't been 2 in the morning.
She has said that she's an emotional retard. I had always discounted such talk, considering that much of it came when she was talking about her family member; I merely thought this was some sort of pre-death grief or fear of death rearing its head. Now that she tells this to me, I'm rather more inclined to believe her.
Now, I advocated that she resolve her relationship with him, whether it means getting back together with him or breaking up and remaining very good friends. If the subject comes up again (she pulls away from me periodically; now I have a much better idea why and that it's not just me, even if I'm still not sure how much is me) I will give her the same advice. And for the "but I can't resolve it" plea, I have a better response than I did the other night (which was to say, none): "it may be hard, but it can be done and at least you won't have your life on hold any longer"
I was hoping to start some sort of relationship with her at some point, if we hit it off meeting one another. Right now, until her feelings for and relationship with her ex are sorted out (and, even then, both have to come down in a certain way in the sorting process) I won't go beyond friendship. Just the way it is. And to think that I was conflicted about this yesterday (that may be more the 4 hours of sleep than the decision that needed to be made). I'm just not interested in feeling like the other man, which would be the case if this isn't resolved (although, knowing her, I'm not sure that feeling would be completely accurate. But I can be insecure at times).
College Football: Guess who's in first in the ACC: Virginia Tech. Ahead of Maryland. Ahead of Clemson. Ahead of the Mighty Fighting Criminoles of Florida State. Ahead of archnemesis N.C. State (they get pimped because they came into Lane and beat Tech. So they have my hatred, but also my respect). Tied with Virginia and Miami, with each playing 2 games against other opponents in the conference, and each playing games against the other two teams. And, most likely, the winner of the round robin amongst the 3 schools will go to the BCS (although no Orange Bowl this season). And, despite the loss to the Pack, Tech is still on pace for a 10-2 season. They just have to start by beating North Carolina this weekend, an eminently doable task. Carolina doesn't have a bad team, but Tech has a better one. And Carolina is liable to have an emotional letdown after beating Miami. And getting into first place will (one hopes) focus this Tech team.
The Election: Long ago, I endorsed President Bush in his bid for reelection. And I even voted for him, after seriously, if briefly, flirting with the idea of casting a protest vote for Constitution Party candidate Michael Peroutka. So I'm glad that the President beat Senator Kerry. But I was even gladder that (a) Ohio wasn't going to become this year's Florida and, because of that there was (b) an early (by the standards of the last election) concession by the Senator. In the snippets I caught of the concession speech, lame-duck-Senator Edwards more or less said: "We'll continue the fight" and once-and-future-Senator Kerry called on the nation to let the healing process begin. The only parts of the acceptance speech I heard was the Vice President saying "I once again carried my home state" (not a bad attempt at humour, actually), and the President thanking his family. So it's over. Hopefully we as a nation can build on yesterday's events. But we'll see how long it lasts.
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