30.9.03
Zuerst: Insomnia sucks. I can't remember the last time I got a really good night's sleep. In any case, I'm awake (and thinking of personal issues)...which isn't really good news for you, the reader, because I'm gonna air some of them out. And if you're linguistically squeamish, or prudish (i.e. agree with the FCC that various words are not for public consumption), then turn back now. You've been warned.
Stream of consciousness: Well, not really. I just posted a quick hitter here; sometimes I'm not sure what to do with nouns which represent abstract ideas. I'm more the concrete thinker type. Whatever else it is, it's a good exercise of mental agility. I like to think that I am fairly intelligent even if I'm positive that I have NO idea how to exercise said intelligence, or help transform it into wisdom. To tell the truth, I'm not sure how intelligent I am; it may be, after all, that I'm merely knowledgeable, rather than intelligent, and that intelligence requires an ability to analyse. Whether I am unable to analyse, or just insecure enough that I'm afraid that my analysis will be laughed out the room, I don't know. Maybe a little of both.
In any case, I'm here, can't sleep, and thinking about various fuckups that I've committed over the course of my life, and especially in the last 5 years. Well, that's most of the time for me, except when I'm (a) absorbing new knowledge or (b) disseminating my sophomoric analysis. Over the last 3 days or so, I've become obsessed with the lady that I took to homecoming my senior year of high school. I'm equally obsessed with how royally I fucked that particular situation up. Suffice it to say that I had (a) made no plans (although was saved by a group of her friends) and (b) ignored her at said homecoming...what a cockup that was. I've also thought about a personal apology. The next time I see her, I will apologise. Question is, when will that be? At some HS football game, were I to make it back to Ffx. Co.? At the 10th anniv. class reunion in a couple of years? Who knows? In any case, if my memory hasn't failed me, she's probably a lot more attractive than I remember her being. Social retard that I was (and, to be honest, probably still am), I didn't find her unattractive, but I wasn't a big fan of the braces she wore, and remember thoughts from time to time that if she didn't have braces, she'd be pretty good looking. And it's not like I had never worn braces. I had mine taken off 2 years previously. Her locker was a few feet from mine, separated by a couple of others. It probably didn't help her cause that, next to my locker on the other side (to my left; my date was the 3rd locker to my right) was an absolutely gorgeous redhead. Missed opportunities. Anyway, back to the lady who accompanied me on my date. I did a google search for her, and found a bunch of stuff from a couple of years ago, and a couple of fantasy stories that she had written. Romantic stuff, to boot. I did a search on my own name, and found:
Considering that I've fucked up my post-high school life (which may be a future entry, should I ever choose to share that with my loyal readership), it's always good to see that folks with whom I share a name are doing well. Maybe I should get off my duff and pull myself up to their level, rather than just being idly envious.
Enough, I'm going to try to get a couple hours more sleep. Ryan
Stream of consciousness: Well, not really. I just posted a quick hitter here; sometimes I'm not sure what to do with nouns which represent abstract ideas. I'm more the concrete thinker type. Whatever else it is, it's a good exercise of mental agility. I like to think that I am fairly intelligent even if I'm positive that I have NO idea how to exercise said intelligence, or help transform it into wisdom. To tell the truth, I'm not sure how intelligent I am; it may be, after all, that I'm merely knowledgeable, rather than intelligent, and that intelligence requires an ability to analyse. Whether I am unable to analyse, or just insecure enough that I'm afraid that my analysis will be laughed out the room, I don't know. Maybe a little of both.
In any case, I'm here, can't sleep, and thinking about various fuckups that I've committed over the course of my life, and especially in the last 5 years. Well, that's most of the time for me, except when I'm (a) absorbing new knowledge or (b) disseminating my sophomoric analysis. Over the last 3 days or so, I've become obsessed with the lady that I took to homecoming my senior year of high school. I'm equally obsessed with how royally I fucked that particular situation up. Suffice it to say that I had (a) made no plans (although was saved by a group of her friends) and (b) ignored her at said homecoming...what a cockup that was. I've also thought about a personal apology. The next time I see her, I will apologise. Question is, when will that be? At some HS football game, were I to make it back to Ffx. Co.? At the 10th anniv. class reunion in a couple of years? Who knows? In any case, if my memory hasn't failed me, she's probably a lot more attractive than I remember her being. Social retard that I was (and, to be honest, probably still am), I didn't find her unattractive, but I wasn't a big fan of the braces she wore, and remember thoughts from time to time that if she didn't have braces, she'd be pretty good looking. And it's not like I had never worn braces. I had mine taken off 2 years previously. Her locker was a few feet from mine, separated by a couple of others. It probably didn't help her cause that, next to my locker on the other side (to my left; my date was the 3rd locker to my right) was an absolutely gorgeous redhead. Missed opportunities. Anyway, back to the lady who accompanied me on my date. I did a google search for her, and found a bunch of stuff from a couple of years ago, and a couple of fantasy stories that she had written. Romantic stuff, to boot. I did a search on my own name, and found:
- A linebacker at BYU
- A freshman QB at Oregon St., who I had heard of vaguely when folks talked about recruiting; he was a highly rated prospect, evidently
- A high school hockey player in suburban Philadelphia
- A coach/administrator of some Minnesota amateur athletic assn.
- An amateur golfer in Minnesota
- A race car driver (I didn't even look if it was a stock car, or one of those goofy F1/Cart/IRL things)
- A competitive fisher (yes, a fisher)
- And me (about 3 or 4 pages in)
Considering that I've fucked up my post-high school life (which may be a future entry, should I ever choose to share that with my loyal readership), it's always good to see that folks with whom I share a name are doing well. Maybe I should get off my duff and pull myself up to their level, rather than just being idly envious.
Enough, I'm going to try to get a couple hours more sleep. Ryan
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