Oh, if only I knew

Zuerst: So many headlines, so little time. Where to start? We have scammers in Texas (allegedly), nitwit band directors, and the ongoing struggle (on a college campus!) between pre-verts and prudes (as an aside, the club isn't my thing, but I have to side with the pre-verts here).

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Gambling and marketing: Apparently, the Canadian tribal casino mentioned in one of my previous blogs (about 3 weeks ago, I guess) has made more than just the one commercial with "the Diceman". Say it ain't so, Dice! I understand that you're pimping a good cause (sports gambling), but are you this desparate? The stand-up not working out? Damn shame. Last gasp of a lot of talent is on commercials, and radio especially. Hope it ain't true with you, Dice.

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In the spirit of Bite Me Wednesday: I wish the following would just bite me:

• Papa Joe himself, if only because of that horrible, awful, terrible "The Bears Still Suck" polka, or whatever it is. I think I mentioned this on Monday, while listening to Marv and Boomer call the Packers-Bears game. Thinking about it sticks it in my head. Grrrrrrr.


• Nitwit Cowboy fans, just because (do I really need a reason?)


• Nicole Kidman, Alyson Hannigan, and other not-as-famous (but most definitely just-as-hot) females. I know that this isn't in the spirit of Bite Me Wednesday, but suffice it to say that this is the one entry that I hope is taken literally. A man can dream, eh? Hear Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf in the background. Very appropriate. I'd like to take any of these females on a magic carpet ride.


• Last week, on BMW, there was some nitwit up in Vienna (it's a suburb of Washington) who was listening I know not where - either XM or the internet, I would think - I don't think that there's a radio station in the DC market which picks SNR radio up before 10 or 11 pm. In any case he sent out a "Jump in a Lake" to Redskins fans, specifically noting the Post's adoring coverage. This, despite the fact that about 4 or 5 weeks into every season since the Super Bowl run in '91, Kornheiser writes a column suggesting that the Bandwagon stay in the garage until the 'Skins win a few more. Give me a break and bite me, whoever you are from Vienna.


• Brenda Warner (you'll note that I don't group her with the other females above). All she does by calling St. Louis talk radio shows is create distracions, alienate Kurt's teammates (you'll note I don't say their teammates), and just generally make a nuisance of herself. What is it, in Song of Solomon? Whither thou goest, I will go? Congratulations, Brenda, you married a man with enormous earning potential and who has managed to make it in the NFL. I would hope that that would be reward enough that you can close your cakehole and take whatever incidentals come your way, such as Kurt's benching in favour of a better quarterback.

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More later - Ryan